O rats...

clearing cauliflowers

One evening last week while I was clearing away old cauliflowers in the smallest brassica bed I found a tunnel. Not very big, but too big to be a shrew, the usual suspect in these tunnel findings, especially in the veg garden. I dragged Seamus over to get another opinion.Staring down at it the uncomfortable truth was spoken out loud-"it must be a rat".O no not bloody rats. There was no point staring into the hole and wringing our hands, out it had to come. And so with a heavy heart we started to dig.

I asked "what do I do if something runs out?"
"Hit it on the back of the head with the spade " I was told.
Bloody great..I'll probably scream like a girl and run for cover. But! anyway, I don't want to hit any animal on the back of the head, even if it is a rat!! O I hate this kind of thing...

Ginger would not go away-he was on the case!

A movement caught my eye as small shapes came into view. Small black shapes! O no baby rats!
Ginger was over like a shot, hunting paw up, armed and ready. He started to actually get in the way, himself and Seamus battling to see wither paw or spade would make the next move.

Arragh!!!!! what's that????

"Quick" Seamus ordered, "GET A BUCKET OF WATER.!"
"What the hell are we going to do with a bucket of water?"
"Drown them of course!"
"What! no way, that's a horrible death, I'm not drowning anything"
"For Gods sake! they are rats!"
"I don't give a shit! lets just get an empty bucket, put them in it and dump it down the field"
"They will die of starvation (actually a good point I hadn't thought of), or die of the cold, or something else will kill them."
"Exactly I said, NOT OUR PROBLEM, that's nature"
"That's bullshit"
"Are you saying its kinder to drown them?"
"I think either way they're dead."

I  muttered darkly about murder and bad karma and reincarnation as rats but was getting no-where. Eventually worn down by my other half's logic I went to get a bucket and with a heavy heart I filled it with water. I though of all those people on the Titanic(including the rats) what a nasty end. Maybe rats can swim? Don't people talk about rats jumping off sinking ships? Or is that just a metaphor?

So back I came, bucket in hand, very, very heavy hearted. It was right up there with the time I killed the Australian slow worm. I felt an immediate terrible horror at what I'd done. The only thing I can kill guilt free are wine weevils and thinking about it now I'm even starting to feel guilty about that! This would be getting ridiculous if it weren't so troubling in the first place!!

Seamus had won out over Ginger and uncovered almost the last of the tunnel, three black hairless things with closed eyes squirmed around, one moving towards the exit without realising it. Seamus and Ginger vied for position, and just as Seamus was about to guillotine the first victim I took one last look before looking away.

see the ears and tails-bunnies, phew! not rats

"STOP STOP!!!" I said, "its not a rat! Its a fecking bunny!! look at the ears and the little scutty tail!!"
The execution was postponed as all three of us looked into the hole to see better what our victims really looked like. Ginger swiped a paw at him. It was a Bunny, a very young one.Maybe only a few days old. "That explains the rabbit the other night, just beside this bed that I chased off" Seamus said. Fecking rabbits!

Ginger was put under house arrest as we slowly reconstructed the tunnel, putting a board over it so it wouldn't collapse before mama bunny could come back and move them. She had lined the burrow with fur and grass so we tried to do the same with some weeds I had pulled that evening to keep the babies from freezing to death in her absence. By the time we were finished it looked perfectly hidden again, just a small opening that hopefully only she would know about.

I felt a whole lot better as I drained the water from the bucket. All was right with the world.
That night I told my mother in law the story of the baby rabbits and the curse of mistaken identity. As I described the burrow lined with grass and fur she said "isn't nature wonderful?" a few hours later my own mother said exactly the same thing about it.

Next day the burrow was empty, bunnies hopefully moved to a safer neighbourhood, away from pesky humans and cats. No sign of violence-phew!

Isn't nature wonderful though?